What AC/DC Really Meant

As if you hadn't noticed, yes, I have thighs. I know, I know. While you try to act surprised, you can also pretend you haven't noticed how they're not proportional to the rest of my body.

In public, have you ever noticed someone afflicted by this condition and wondered if they knew how ridiculous they looked? As if thighs were an accessory we chose to wear. You've heard the Coco Chanel rule, right? “Before you leave the house, look in the mirror and take one thing off.” Well, if it worked like that, I would put these oversized accessories back in the jewelry box every time.

I have cursed them for a good 15 years and instead of shrinking, they seem to have gone the opposite direction. I hadn't given thighs much thought (except for how much I detest my own) until last night during my workout. I realized there are several types of thighs.

First, you've got chicken thighs. I've torn out countless pages from Cooking Light calling for them, though I don't particularly care for bone-in bird.

Next, we have "American Thighs" as in AC/DC's overplayed-at-wedding-dances hit "You Shook Me All Night Long." I've always despised that particular line of the song because to be "Knocking me out with those American thighs," I can safely assume that said rockers are either referring to a pro wrestler with a name like Slasher or a knockout gorgeous woman with a body that looks absolutely nothing like mine.

Which brings me to the last category of thighs: the dreaded thunder thighs. While trying to define thunder thighs in a technical sense -- mostly to determine whether I technically classify as having them or not -- I stumbled across some rather comical definitions from Urban Dictionary. A few of my favorites:

• These are thighs that are NOT "thunder thighs" but the girl thinks she has them, but they are not.
• "THUNDER THIGHS" are a fat girl's thighs that are so humongous, big and fat that they clap together when she walks. This produces a loud noise which goes like "SLAP, SLAP, SLAP," hence the "thunder" part of the word.
• A woman whose thighs are so powerful she can crush granite between them. It's so sexy! It can happen to women who march.
• A girl with EXTREMLY big thighs who wears tight skinny jeans to make her legs look small (doesn't work).
• They win paddleboat races.
• Of a woman, large, broad hips and thighs. One of the most distasteful images possible is a woman of such build in a bikini.

And my personal favorite:

• Thick thighs on a curvy (not fat) lady. Usually a girl with thunder thighs has a Nice A**!

Oddly enough, thunder thighs is not always a derogatory term. Who knew? I'd like to think that AC/DC was paying tribute to the curvy girls out there (like yours truly). Because we can't all be stick figures, nor do we want to be. Being curvy and fit, now that's more like it. For now, I have to keep working on that.