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Yes, I am Some Sort of Freak

About a year and a half ago, I was doing some serious soul searching with regard to career and why the heck I can’t ever seem to find my place in life. Wanting to define myself in some kind of scientific terms, I decided I ought to take the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator.

What I learned is that I am somewhat of a freak.

Yes, a freak of nature. As an INFP, my particular type represents only 4 percent of the total population. OK, so it’s not that uncommon since there are several other types with similar representation, but it’s in the bottom half of the types as far as frequency.

Let’s take a look at the analysis:

• INFPs are idealistic and may be perfectionists.
• They have an inner core of values that guides all their interactions and decisions.
• They are loyal to their values and want to live their life in a way that is congruent with those values.
• They are often good at expressing themselves in writing.
• The people they appreciate most are those who take the time to understand their values and the goals they are working toward.
• They tend to work in bursts of energy and are capable of great concentration and output when fully engaged in a project.
• They may have difficulty performing routine tasks or doing work that has little meaning for them.

Potential blind spots for INFPs

• They may spend their time dreaming of the impossible and accomplish very little.
• INFPs may feel such a contrast between their ideals and their accomplishments that they burden themselves with a sense of inadequacy. They may then become overly sensitive and vulnerable, with dwindling confidence in themselves.

Dear Lord, are these people stalking me? They seem to know everything about me!

You might say reading your personality type is kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy, maybe like reading your horoscope. It could be completely wrong but leaves it open enough so you can interpret it however you’d like. But in this case, I think the description is pretty dead on. Now to work on those blind spots.

Boy, Do I Feel Silly

About a year ago, a I considered applying for a position with one of those sort of ambiguous titles. You know how some companies have a lot of VPs, but they’re not really second in command? That kind of title.

Though I had talked myself out of applying because I didn’t feel qualified, family and friends kept forwarding me the job with notes of how I’d be perfect for it. So, I thought, why not?

As I prepared my application, I emailed my references, one of whom told me she was applying, too. A red flag went up immediately: I knew I was completely out of my element (she’s a very high-ranked, super-experienced professional). I realized it truly was a much bigger job than what I’m qualified for.

But the damage was already done. All of my references, who were all part of that institution, understood firsthand what the position truly was. While they were supportive, they let me down as kindly as they could, feeling I wasn’t qualified for the job. They were totally right. And I was totally embarrassed.

OK, not just embarrassed. Mortified. Wanted to crawl under a rock and die. Maybe even leave the country so I’d never have to look them in the eyes again. Here were some of the people I most respect and I just made myself look like a total moron. If not a moron, then totally full of myself. Needless to say, I did not apply.

So, to finally let go of this embarrassment, which I’ve held on to for over a year, I’m writing about it, and I’m going to include a few tips. Because if you’re overly self-conscious like me, then you know what it’s like to carry this around.

Getting Over Embarrassment

1. Remember that the world does not revolve around you.
2. Understand that most people will eventually forget the incident.
3. Admit your stupidity.
4. Realize everyone has an embarrassing moment.
5. Laugh about it.
6. Talk about it.
7. Learn and move on.

Sources:

• http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/1747338/how_to_get_over_an_embarrassing_situation.html
• http://www.ehow.com/how_2384452_get-over-embarrassing-moment.html#ixzz1JQZU5qzG

Never Too Busy?

I will never forget the day my boss pulled me aside for a little talking-to. If you know me, you can guess which job this was. Hint: Rhymes with Twigs Lotto.

We had been in a meeting discussing plans for an event, for which we needed a banner. The group turned to me to ask if I could do it. Of course I would. That was my job. However, my plate was full for the day with higher priority tasks, so I said quite politely, I thought, “I won’t be able to get to it today, but I will make sure it gets done tomorrow.”

It seemed fair. The banner project wasn’t urgent, and I was emphasizing that I would make sure the task was completed quickly, but it wouldn't happen that afternoon.

So, about an hour later, my boss pulled me from my back office to a desk on the sales floor and scolded me in front of the salesmen. “If there’s one thing I won’t tolerate, it’s people saying they don’t have time,” he said. “You’re never too busy. You can always make time. I don’t ever want to hear that you don’t have time.”

I was completely caught off guard. When did I say I was too busy? Or that I didn’t have enough time? Or that I wouldn’t or couldn’t do it?

What’s that old saying? Don’t put off till tomorrow what you can do today? If it had been urgent, I would have reprioritized my day and made sure that it got done immediately. But it wasn’t and it was already mid afternoon.

I had never been scolded like that at a job, and it wouldn’t be the first time something was blown out of proportion in that particular work environment. Some other time I’ll tell you about a public blowup over an invoice line item for hair/makeup for a TV commercial featuring our hometown Green Bay Packers star and his lovely wife.

I’ve been fortunate to have some really outstanding supervisors (sans this example), who know there is a time and place for constructive criticism, which is a necessary part of growing as a professional. But there's a way to do this, which brings me to a couple of points for happy employees.

1. Praise in public, criticize/coach/correct in private. Over three years, I witnessed more than public beratings than should ever happen in 50 years (because they shouldn’t happen in public at all). Fortunately, very few were directed at me, and when they were, I could usually recover quickly because the issues were beyond my control. I knew I was an easy scapegoat, so I just learned to deal with it. But no one should ever have to work in a culture of fear. If you find yourself in one that isn’t positive, start plotting your escape to a better environment. That’s what I had to do. And if you have a supervisor who yells, run. That’s just plain unnecessary.
2. It's okay to say no. Right now, I have freelance projects out the wazoo, which is great, but let’s face it – between freelance, my “real” job and my volunteer activities, I’ve majorly overcommitted myself and it’s causing me a ton of stress. There’s not much more I can do but trudge through it and try to learn my lesson. In my previous life working on the dark side at Twigs Lotto, I never truly said no to anything, especially not after that initial sit-down. But I did learn to voice my concerns and offer alternatives. The next-day banner design was an alternative and no one was harmed by waiting until the next morning to complete the project. The world did not end, as my boss seemed to think it might if that banner wasn't done right that very moment.

So there’s my wisdom. It’s not much, but hopefully a few tips that will help someone along the way. And thank the Lord for new beginnings in more positive environments!

Forget the Ladder

This morning when I opened my email at work, I perused through the daily e-newsletter the university sends to all employees. Among the headlines in the newsletter was this:

Tonight: Journalism graduates discuss climbing professional ladder

Naturally, being a journalism graduate, I clicked the link to see what it was all about. Basically, tonight there will be a discussion panel of very successful folks ranging from a CBS broadcaster and voice of an NBA basketball team, an award-winning journalist for a Washington, D.C., TV station, a photojournalist and our university vice president for communications and marketing.

It got my wheels turning, as this is a question I’ve struggled with for the last several years:

Is climbing the corporate ladder what we truly aspire to?

Clearly, these graduates are enticing because they have big titles. After all, how often is someone without a big title asked to share their secrets? I’d argue the answer is not very often because our society values the title.

When we’re choosing career paths as teens, no one ever says they want to be the vice president of such and such or the global director of this and that. We choose careers we’re interested in, but usually don’t worry about titles, unless, of course, you're considering a career as a doctor, veterinarian, etc., wherein the career path itself is often the title. So why, when we get older, does it sometimes seem that having a fancy title is the primary indicator of our success?

Furthermore, it’s that whole ladder analogy that’s really got me pondering. Granted, I didn’t make it very far up the ladder before getting knocked back a rung or two, but when I was at my highest status on said ladder, I was also my unhappiest. I know plenty of folks who have ascended to much higher ranks than I have, and those folks work their tails off with lots of extra hours and sacrifices of their personal lives. Is that what we’re destined for?

Somewhere in the middle there’s a balance where we are able to merge our calling with our career, where we find our dream job – the one where we can’t wait to go to work because we’re doing something we are so passionate about. And there's also an appropriate balance of work and leisure time. Finding that balance is a whole other story. When someone gets it figured out, let me know.

Good Reading

The Dargis sisters featured in March 2011
issue of The Furrow

I just finished reading the cover story from this month's issue of The Furrow, an agricultural magazine published by John Deere. It's about a family of five young women who have taken over the family farm after losing their parents in a plane accident in 2007. These girls were orphaned by the ages of 15 to 22, and managed to keep their family's Canadian farm intact. Their family farmed 7,000 acres and had 4,000 cattle when their parents passed away. The daughters continue to farm 4,000 acres and keep a large cow herd. Holy moly! That's impressive. And they're doing it all despite many folks' initial doubts about their abilities to run a farm, let alone a quite large farm. Very inspiring.

So, as I paged through the rest of the issue, I stumbled upon more inspiration in the Fun & Philosophy pages. Fun quotes, cute stories, a cartoon about beavers. What's not to love? A few highlights that are worth sharing, if nothing more than to remind myself of these quotes later.

• Far and away the best prize that life has to offer is the chance to work hard at work worth doing -- Theodore Roosevelt
• Never be in a hurry; do everything quietly and in a calm spirit. Do not lose your inner peace for anything whatsoever, even if your whole world seems upset. -- Francis de Sales
• Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom -- Marcel Proust
• Procrastination is like a credit card: It's lots of fun until you get the bill.
• Patience is the ability to idle your motor when you feel like stripping your gears.
• Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.
• Life is the art of drawing without an eraser.

My Big Fat Elephant

I have an elephant problem.
My elephant is out of control. It throws its weight around to always get what it wants. It is stubborn and lazy, sitting on its giant wrinkly elephant derriere all day long. It’s got a horrible sweet tooth and has eaten chocolate chip cookies for breakfast for the past three days. And it is grumpy … definitely not a morning elephant.
See, my elephant is my emotional side, and the darn critter is holding me back from making a much-needed change -- the get healthy change. I was doing so well before the holidays, but it really got to me -- the vacations and family get-togethers and the flat laziness I feel I'm entitled to in such times of joy.
In the view of Dan and Chip Heath, authors of Switch (read it, it’s worth your time!), the elephant is just one of three factors involved in making a change. The others are the rider and the path. Think horse racing on steroids.
The rider is your rational side, and mine is a fiesty little jockey toting around a briefcase full of facts. He displays posters of inspirational quotes and a Photoshopped likeness of myself 30 pounds thinner next to the shower so I have to see it every day. He creates Excel spreadsheets showing an just how long it will take to lose the weight at various per-week weight loss rates. He follows all sorts of health resources on Twitter to show the elephant why it needs to change. Everything makes such perfect sense to my rider with his well-thought-out arsenal of information.
But all the good intentions in the world are not enough to steer the elephant down the path, or for that matter, kick it its lazy butt into action to leave the starting line.
My elephant needs an extreme elephant makeover. So, as the Heaths suggest, I'm starting by looking for the bright spots. Like this afternoon, I took a dollar out of my wallet, ready to head to the vending machine. Then I asked myself, "Are you really hungry or just bored?" and answered (honestly) bored. Yes, that is one small step in the right direction. There have been more wrong steps this week than I'd like to admit, but the fact that I championed in one small way is pretty awesome.

Knockoffs Welcome

For our sixth anniversary last October, I received a wonderful surprise. That trademark blue box with a white satin ribbon. Ahhhh, my husband has figured out a secret that many men have yet to discover: The key to a girl’s heart is in a Tiffany’s box.

Literally.

Inside the box was a silver key with a heart at the top, the same one that had been featured on dog-eared page of a Tiffany’s catalog in which I’d playfully marked all the items I wanted (um, everything!). Cody had stashed it away as his secret weapon, his break-glass-in-case-of-emergency of sorts for gift-giving occasions. He’d strategically had the box shipped to a friend’s home so I wouldn’t find it before he did. (P.S. These newlywed friends will now start receiving the Tiffany blue catalog in a Tiffany blue envelope full of Tiffany wonderfulness. Dani, you can thank me later.)

That necklace has become a staple in my jewelry collection. I wear it almost every day, including while I was traveling last week in New Orleans. And that’s where it happened. A woman who’d been onboard the elevator with us remarked, “Oh look, you’ve got the same necklace!”

Dear Lord, no.



It was – gasp! – the dreaded Jane Seymour Open Hearts key necklace, just $54.99 at your local Kay Jewelers. (My apologies to those of you who will receive this monstrosity for Valentine’s Day.) There it was. In the flesh. Or metal, I guess. Someone actually bought it, was wearing it and standing right in front of me. Worse yet, they thought mine came from the same store. My head started spinning, “I wonder if Tiffany’s will let me exchange this one for a different design? It’s only been four months, right?”

Oh, silly, silly girl. But before I come off sounding like a pompous ass, let me explain.

Not only do I resent the blatant knockoff of my lovely Tiffany’s necklace, but I’ve despised that twisted hearts design since Dr. Quinn: Medicine Woman debuted her “collection” on TV. To me, it looks like a curvaceous woman’s anatomy – think bust and rear. Or, more nicely put, a deranged snake. Take your pick.

Now, this hideous boobs/butt design appears inside the space of a heart-shaped key. And at a fraction of the price my thoughtful husband paid for my designer version. Ugh. Isn’t that how it always works?

Every time I see that commercial on television – and let me tell you, it’s on nonstop this time of year – I feel a little bit guilty. OK, a lot guilty. Is this what I have become? Some snobby fashionista who looks down her nose at the unfortunate mall jewelry wearers?

Well, folks: I’m about as far from a fashionista as you can get. After all, fashionistas don’t own cowboy boots, and if they do, they’re for fashion (though I do consider mine quite stylish, it’s all relative I suppose). And honestly, any item in my closet that didn’t come from Target or Forever 21 has a 99.5% chance of having been scavenged from mall clearance racks. Seriously, people, I rarely buy things at full price, and I do mean RARELY. And anything that might be considered “designer” was most likely a gift.   

So, I got to thinking: Does brand matter? When it comes to clothing, jewelry, etc., I would argue no, brand doesn’t matter, though I will admit that I can’t hold back my glee when getting something “designer,” mostly because I own so few things that fit into that category. How about cars? Nope, my plain old Nissan is perfectly fine. I don’t need to upgrade to Infiniti (Nissan’s luxury brand) or something fancier. And groceries? I am the queen of buying store brand. Except ketchup. I’ve been informed it’s not the same, and I might actually agree on this one.

The list could go on, but overall, brand doesn’t matter. The reason Kay Jewelers and Dr. Quinn have copied my beloved Tiffany’s necklace is because it’s nice. People like it. Therefore, it will sell. And we’ve all heard copying is a form of flattery, right? (What teenage girl has counted that as an acceptable reason why their arch frenemy showed up in the same prom dress?)

Being copied is usually quite annoying, sometimes downright infuriating. It feels like someone is taking something away from your individuality, and instead of being unique and original, you’ve become part of a sea of sameness. Teenage girls may all pine for the same brand of jeans, attempting to (unsuccessfully) persuade their parents that brand matters. Funny how this be-like-everyone-else attitude shifts significantly when it comes to something more personal – like a prom dress.

But there is one instance where copycats are actually quite welcome and where brand DOES matter. Your own personal brand. Your beliefs and values, those are what matter. Believe it or not, when you’re a good person, it spreads. If you’re lucky, it spreads like the flu in a daycare toy box.

Have you ever been around someone like that? Who just gives off that good person vibe? You want to be like them, not for the way they dress, the car they drive or how cool they seem. But because they have a strong personal brand, and they live it every day. That's quite admirable, and definitely worth copying.

Who knew? Sometimes knockoffs are actually welcome.

Lessons From the Clover

All you former 4-Hers out there ought to remember a little something we call the 4-H pledge:

I pledge my Head to clearer thinking,
my Heart to greater loyalty,
my Hands to larger service and
my Health to better living,
for my club, my community,
my country, and my world.

I remember reciting this pledge, complete with hand motions, at the beginning of every meeting back in the sickly green lighting of the Blue Ridge Elementary gymnasium. It didn’t mean much to me as a kid, but looking back as an adult I can see the need to start focusing on the four H’s.

My head’s not always in the right spot. Often I let myself get overwhelmed, distracted, disenchanted, you name it. When my head reels with thoughts, clearer thinking would be a welcome change.

My heart sometimes gets ignored by my over-thinking head. I cannot think of a time where following my heart has led me astray, yet I can think of many where my head took me on a rollercoaster of a ride. I need to be more loyal to myself, which will allow me to be more loyal to the ones I love.

My hands could be doing more for others, not just myself. My head and my heart tend to focus on just me and my own well being, but get so preoccupied with selfishness that my hands are pretty much rendered incapable of doing any good elsewhere. It’s about time I spend more effort focusing on how I can help others.

My health has always been something I’m mindful of, but not always actively doing something about. From eating healthier to working out more regularly, there are so many simple things I can do, and need to do, to improve my wellness. This must become a bigger priority in my life.

So, there you have it: the four H’s behind 4-H, and darn good principles to implement in our adult lives.

Oh, How I Love My Car



My car is totally awesome. More awesome than
this picture because mine has an
Eat Beef license plate.



Often, while driving to work I catch myself thinking how awesome my car is. Why? Because it’s paid for. It makes me want to shout it to the world with a giant bumper sticker or personalized license plate that reads something like PAIDFOR or DEBTFRE. Dave Ramsey would be proud. I don’t care that my 2001 Nissan Xterra has 109,000 miles on it or that it was manufactured when I was a sophomore in college. It’s 100% paid for. Hallelujah!

Not only is it paid for, but we finally got over ourselves and chose to make some significant and difficult lifestyle changes in the last year to make this happen. So, it is really a personal victory, not just a financial one. We sold our 2008 Jeep Wrangler and our 2008 GMC Sierra, both of which we absolutely adored and had a hard time parting with.

We went from having two vehicles purchased brand new (giant mistakes #1 and #2) to having two used vehicles (best decision ever). I drive my Xterra and for Cody, we bought my dad’s 1996 Chevy Silverado, which I drove to Minnesota in 2003 for one of my internships. I can still remember jamming out somewhere on I-35 in rural Iowa to a then-new Pat Green CD as I passed mile after mile of corn fields and swine operations.

Making the difficult but smart decision to downgrade vehicles (and downgrade significantly) with the intention of eliminating car payments completely has been totally worth it. We now have two payments left on the truck and after March 15, we are debt-free as far as cars go. How amazing is that?

Like many Americans, we had bought into the idea that we would always have a car payment, that it was just a fact of life. It doesn’t have to be that way. I find that I enjoy my 10-year-old SUV far more than I ever enjoyed our brand new vehicles, even with the new car smell, cool gadgets, shiny new paint, soft leather, etc. Funny how not having a car payment can make you love your car more than you could possibly imagine. Yep, being completely car-payment-free is going to be pretty awesome. Now, on to eliminating that house payment.